Thursday, July 10, 2008
Elitism on the Highway
There's a change-a-comin' on I-95 in South Florida. Those carpool lanes, a.k.a. HOV lanes, are being replaced, sort of. Used to be, anyone could use them, provided you had at least two people in the car. But now...anyone can use the inside two lanes -- this is, if you're willing to pay for the privilege.
It's called 95 Express, and the first stage will run northbound from downtown Miami to the Golden Glades. The charge is per mile, and will vary from 3 cents to 1 dollar. That means a total of anywhere from 25ยข to $9.00. The DOT says it's not taking away the HOV lanes, but rather "adding to a system that already exists."
Well, if you're a yuppy lawyer who can afford to spend an extra $18.00 so you can get from your Biscayne Boulevard office to your home in Sea Ranch Lakes, it's a great add-on. But for the average schmuck struggling to cope with $4.00-a-gallon gas, it means you're stuck with the masses in the other four lanes. It's actually worse than before, because where there used to be five "regular" lanes, there are now only four. And many people who paired up for carpools are left out because while carpools can register to use the Express Lanes for free, it now takes three people to qualify.
Eventually, the system will run both ways from I-395 to Fort Lauderdale, making life easier for even more folks -- folks with the money to pay for it, that is. Remember, this is an Interstate Highway. More on how the IHS is being abused in my next post....
It's called 95 Express, and the first stage will run northbound from downtown Miami to the Golden Glades. The charge is per mile, and will vary from 3 cents to 1 dollar. That means a total of anywhere from 25ยข to $9.00. The DOT says it's not taking away the HOV lanes, but rather "adding to a system that already exists."
Well, if you're a yuppy lawyer who can afford to spend an extra $18.00 so you can get from your Biscayne Boulevard office to your home in Sea Ranch Lakes, it's a great add-on. But for the average schmuck struggling to cope with $4.00-a-gallon gas, it means you're stuck with the masses in the other four lanes. It's actually worse than before, because where there used to be five "regular" lanes, there are now only four. And many people who paired up for carpools are left out because while carpools can register to use the Express Lanes for free, it now takes three people to qualify.
Eventually, the system will run both ways from I-395 to Fort Lauderdale, making life easier for even more folks -- folks with the money to pay for it, that is. Remember, this is an Interstate Highway. More on how the IHS is being abused in my next post....
Labels: traffic highway Interstate DOT elitism
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Torture at the bakery
Last week I saw part of a George Carlin special in which he described ways to torment people in retail. I had an idea of my own. (NOTE: Since I work in retail, I do not condone this sort of thing, but, still....)
Call up a bakery, or the bakery department of a grocery store. Tell them you need a customized cake for a convention. Tell them to make it in the shape of a cloud. And mention that it's for a meeting of the American Psychiatric Association.
If you feel a bit more ambitious, go to the bakery a few days later to inspect the cake. Be sure to ask for the person who designed it. Inspect it really closely, making sure to occasionally look at the cake decorator and make remarks such as, "very interesting" and "I see." As you pay for the cake and leave, be sure to let them know you'll be in touch again really soon.
Call up a bakery, or the bakery department of a grocery store. Tell them you need a customized cake for a convention. Tell them to make it in the shape of a cloud. And mention that it's for a meeting of the American Psychiatric Association.
If you feel a bit more ambitious, go to the bakery a few days later to inspect the cake. Be sure to ask for the person who designed it. Inspect it really closely, making sure to occasionally look at the cake decorator and make remarks such as, "very interesting" and "I see." As you pay for the cake and leave, be sure to let them know you'll be in touch again really soon.
Labels: retail food pranks
Monday, July 07, 2008
Sorry....
I've been really bad about posting, so I'm going to try to post a random observation at least every other day. Since we lost George Carlin, I figure we all need to take up the slack....
Today I noticed that on the front cover of The Star, it says that Judgment Day will be on 9/11/08. If that's really true, why did they bother with the rest of the paper?
Today I noticed that on the front cover of The Star, it says that Judgment Day will be on 9/11/08. If that's really true, why did they bother with the rest of the paper?
Labels: observations tabloids apocalypse
