Swamp Journal

Here we are, a month into hurricane season, and we still have lots of blue tarps from last year's hurricanes and people still living in government trailers. There isn't enough money to build more classrooms in a state with one of the highest growth rates in the nation. In some counties, there isn't affordable housing housing for even upper middle-class families. Two counties have dumped electronic voting machines because of a demonstration showing how they could be deliberately (or really, even accidentally) manipulated without leaving any evidence or any means of a recount. And insurance rates (particularly homeowners, but also for auto and other forms of coverage) are skyrocketing to the point that people are just doing without it.

But don't let anyone say that Florida's legislature is afraid to take decisive action to solve the state's problems.

Kyle, the red paperclip guy, is worked his way up to a movie role -- so if you want to be in a movie and have something to offer Kyle, let him know.

For the uninitiated, Kyle is trying to trade a red paperclip for a house, one trade at a time. Along the way, a lot of other people are picking things up, too -- a generator, a day with Alice Cooper, a snow globe, and...well, just check out Kyle's blog.

When I open the store, I usually get off about 5 pm. During the week, that means rush hour, so I hang around for a while looking at the books while the crazies are on the road. Today, while hanging around, one of the new arrivals caught my eye. It's called Dog Heroes of September 11th, by Nona Kilgore Bauer. As you might expect, it profiles many of dogs (and their handlers) that took part in the search and rescue operations at the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and in Pennsylvania. What I didn't expect to see was the great photography. Even aside from the important and dangerous duties they performed, these are beautiful dogs, from a wide variety of breeds. Next time you're in a bookstore, check it out.

If you've been reading (in which case you've probably been lurking -- come on, let me know you're out there!), you know I enjoy The History Channel. This week THC debuts another new series, "American Eats," based on the 3-4 specials they have aired in the past. Some of the things I learned from the original specials: Chef Boy-R-Dee was a real person who was once the head chef at Greenbriar, "chop suey" translates roughly as "garbage," and the guy who invented Jell-O sold the rights for a few hundred dollars -- ouch!

American Eats begins its weekly run starting this Thursday with a history of pizza. Maybe we'll find out who thought anchovies were a good idea.

I usually read non-fiction because I like funny stuff, and most non-fiction tends to be painfully serious. However, I recently started reading Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore. The story is a rather tongue-in-cheek description of Jesus and Biff's adolescent years (and maybe young adulthood; I haven't gotten that far yet). It also covers Biff's ordeal of being resurrected in our time and being forced to write the story under the supposedly watchful eye of a none-too-bright angel who has become addicted to soap operas.

Moore has written nine comic novels, the newest of which (A Dirty Job) just came out). Thomas Berger, the guy who wrote Little Big Man, has written some dark (I mean really dark) comedy -- the Aykroyd-Belushi movie Neighbors was based on his novel of the same name. Dave Barry has also started writing novels. Any recommendations for other novels that will make me laugh, or inspire me to write my own comic novel?

Why does everyone find this so shocking? What do you think, I just barge in uninvited?

If you're reading this, you surely have received a suspicious e-mail claiming to be from your ISP, your bank, your credit card company, etc. I often get e-mails from PayPal telling me to update my account information, even though I have never had anything to do with PayPay. One of the real mailings I received from my Internet provider includes a link to an online quiz where you can try to pick out the scams from the legitimate notices. I got 8 of 8 correct, but I still learned a few tips to protect myself. Give it a try!

• I know we’ve heard this over and over, but does anyone still doubt that Dwayne Wade is the best player in the NBA? Even if the Mavericks had come back to win the title, Wade would still be a lock for the Finals MVP. He’s also a very likeable guy who works hard and doesn’t cop an attitude. No comparisons to you-know-who.
  
• While much has been made about Pat Riley being vindicated for the personnel moves he made during the off-season, Wade also proved Riley’s wisdom in insisting that Wade was off the table when he was negotiating the trade for Shaquille O’Neal.
  
• This is only the third time that the NBA champions and the NCAA basketball champions (Florida Gators) came from the same state. In 1989, the Detroit Pistons and Michigan Wolverines won the respective titles, as did the Golden State Warriors and UCLA Bruins in 1975. (Amazing that the Bruins and Lakers didn’t pull off the double.) What’s worth noting this year, however, is that two of the Heat starters – Jason Williams and Udonis Haslem – are Gator alumni. Haslem did it the hard way: undrafted, via the European leagues.
  
• Florida is supposed to be a football state, but we’ve been bringing home more hardware in other sports lately – the Gators and Heat in basketball this year, the Tampa Bay Lightning in hockey (2004), and the Marlins in baseball (2003).
  
• One guy you really have to be happy for is Alonzo Mourning. The guy missed some of his prime years due to his kidney problems, and just by coming back and playing in the NBA, he’s been an inspiring figure. Even after he went to play for other teams, he retained his ties to South Florida and has done a lot for the community here. Finally he has a ring, and he didn’t just come for the ride. He filled in quite well when Shaq was injured early in the season, and he came up huge on defense in the final game.
  
• This could be the biggest turnaround in the history of the NBA Finals. After the first two games, I seriously thought Miami would have been better represented if they had sent the team from Carol City High School. Note that they didn’t complain about the officiating or the opposition; instead they looked at themselves and took up the challenge.
  
• As I’m typing this, I’m watching news coverage, and while the celebrations are numerous and loud, there are is very little trouble. There are plenty of people around the arena, and the police have several paddy wagons at the ready, but so far they haven’t been needed. Traffic, however, is a mess.
  
• The 18-year gap between titles for Pat Riley is the longest for a coach in NBA history. Consider this: The season in which Riley won his last title with the Lakers was the same season the Heat set an NBA record by their first 17 games in their first season.
  
• I have heard very little mention of Stan Van Gundy, who probably deserves a bit of credit. But the fact that nobody seems to be talking about him does raise some questions about just how voluntary his resignation really was.

Last year, in the wake of Katrina, we saw countless people who decided not to evacuate and rode out the storm in their homes. One of the main reasons for staying, it seemed, was that people refused to abandon their pets because they couldn't bring them to shelters or on transportation out of town. There was also a major effort by volunteers to rescue pets that were left behind by people who made the difficult choice or didn't make it through the storm.

Legislation has been introduced in the U.S. Senate to require state and local authorities to consider the needs of pet owners in their disaster plans. The Pet Evacuation and Transportation Standards, or PETS Act (S. 2548 and H.R. 3858) will not only help pets, but help prevent pet owners from having to choose between their own safety and that of their pets. This, in turn, will reduce the number of people who risk their own lives to remain in dangerous situations with their pets.

You can express your support for the PETS act by contacting your legislators. The Humane Society of the United States offers a page where you can do this quickly and easily.

The other night I caught John Fogerty in concert on PBS. He still refuses to have anything to do with the other surviving members of Creedence Clearwater Revival, but at age 61 (but not looking it) he's still touring as a solo artist, performing old CCR favorites as well as new songs and “in-between” songs such as "Centerfield" and “The Old Man Down the Road.”

A lot of songs by other folks popular during CCR's heyday don't hold up today, but most of the band's classics – “Born on the Bayou,” “Bad Moon Rising,” and "Travellin' Band," to name a few – hold up quite well after 35 years. If they weren’t so well known, Fogerty could probably re-record them and pass them off as new. And one or two of the songs he performed on the broadcast eerily remain just as relevant in 2006. No comment – the songs continue to speak for themselves.

By the way, you may know about the bitter relationship between Fogerty and Fantasy Records, CCR's original record label, beginning with Fogerty giving up all of the rights to the songs he wrote and recorded with the label and continuing with the label's lawsuit against him for allegedly plagiarizing a song he himself wrote. Fantasy was recently sold to Concord Music Group, which quickly set about building a more positive relation with Fogerty. The result is that Fogerty is now back with Fantasy, and the label is releasing a collection of Fogerty's greatest hits that spans his entire career.

I called my Dad when I got home from work and wished him a happy Father's Day. Likewise, a happy Father's Day to all of you other dads reading along. I'll post more tomorrow, as I have Monday and Tuesday off.

Yes, Virginia, there really is a Condom Grandma.

Those who know me know that one of my favorite times of year is getting closer -- yes, it's only 11 weeks until the college football season kicks off. If you don't know what my team is...look at the picture...look at the name of the blog. If you still don't know, you probably haven't read this far. Or you're my brother Dave, who hates sports, but even he knows where I went to school.

This year the Gators have a fierce schedule, rated by The Sporting News as the toughest in the nation. There are eight teams that went bowling last year, as well as Tennessee on the road, which will surely be better than last year. Also on the schedule are home games against Southern Miss, Central Florida, and South Carolina, and a trip to FSU. And from September 30 through October 28, the Gators play consecutive games against Alabama and LSU at home, at Auburn, and the annual "Cocktail Party" game against Georgia in Jacksonville (there's an open week between Auburn and Georgia).

No doubt there will be comments, particularly from the Peanut Gallery and schools that outright declined a formal invitation to play in the SEC, that Florida plays a soft schedule because they play Vanderbilt, Kentucky, and Western Carolina -- how many of them will play as many tough games this season as UF will have just during "Black October"?

I thought I'd take today to introduce my "baby." This is Cisco, a sun conure I adopted a little over three years ago.

He's still like a little kid, although in conure terms he's probably the equivalent of a teenager, as I'm told they reach sexual maturity at about 5. Although I tend to refer to Cisco as "he," I'm really not sure of his gender -- most conures can only be sexed surgically or by a blood test.

No, Cisco doesn't talk, although he may yet learn a few words. Some conures do talk, but they are really more known for their personalities. One characteristic of many conures is that they have a reputation for being very loud, but Cisco is exceptionally well-behaved. He's rather shy and prefers staying in his "house," but once he comes out and perches on my shoulder or finger, he doesn't want to leave. And his favorite thing in the world is having his head and neck scratched.

Before Cisco, I had a nanday conure named Max who I lived with for 14 years. Nandays are known as the loudest of conures, and Max did his best to uphold that reputation. But he was very affectionate, and over time he learned to say "good night," "gimme a kiss," and "yes." Every time I came into the living room in the morning or came home, he greeted me with a "Hi Max!" (Well, he didn't hear anyone saying my name, so he didn't learn that.) Also, if I asked Max if he was a good kid, he would always answer yes; if I asked if he was pretty, he said yes; if I asked if he loved the Gators, he would say yes; then when I would ask him if he loved the Seminoles, he would just stare at me like I was crazy. I did NOT teach him that, he was just a very smart bird!

Disclaimer: DO NOT buy a bird on impulse. They can be very demanding, and because they are very intelligent, they can require lots of attention, especially larger parrots such as cockatoos. Without proper mental stimulation, parrots can literally go insane. Many parrots are notorious for chewing up almost anything they find. Also, unlike dogs, who usually like everyone, birds often bond with only one person in a household, or get along only with men or women. If you are considering adopting an avian companion, do your research and find out which birds fit in with your lifestyle, then find a reputable breeder or dealer and let the bird pick you.

I got home from work Wednesday and fell asleep, so here are a couple of updates to earlier posts:

• Still no sign of the allegedly missing boaters, which the Coast Guard still believes to be a hoax, but the cost of the search operation is now listed as being $278,000.
• Here's a story from Thursday morning about the lingering effects of Wilma.

Late Sunday night, the Coast Guard received a distress call from the captain of a 33-foot boat that was sinking in the Atlantic Ocean, just north of the Boynton Inlet. (That's a bit south of West Palm Beach.) On board with him were four other adults, including one with an injured leg, and four children. The boat had no flares, no satellite tracking system, and no cell phone. So the Coast Guard, in their usual dedicated manner, sent out a rescue team.

There's just one problem: The Coast Guard now believes the call is a hoax.

If the call was a joke, it's not the least bit funny. Obviously the biggest potential danger is that the considerable resources invested in the search might be diverted from a real emergency. Also, while the men and women who protect our shores are well-trained and highly capable, they are still exposed to danger in any rescue operation, especially one conducted with a tropical storm building. I really hope this is a false alarm because I certainly wouldn't want to think of nine people, four of them children, having been trying to survive in the ocean for almost 48 hours. But if it's a fake, let's hope the person responsible is found. In addition to criminal fines up to $250,000 and 5-10 years in prison, the guilty party would be billed for the cost of the search and rescue operation, which I heard today is over $100,000 (the article linked above breaks down the per-hour costs).

Since it came up in the last post, I thought I'd recap what things are like in South Florida since Wilma slammed through late last October.

The big things are mostly back to normal, of course. Everyone has electricity, gas is available, and the streets are pretty much free of debris. But if you look a little more closely, some things are still in disarray. It's a lot easier to get lost than it was a year ago, because many of the street signs are still missing. This is especially true along some of the highways, where message board signs are still in place to mark exits. I know of at least one exit sign on Florida's Turnpike that still hasn't been replaced from when Katrina blew it away almost two months earlier. Also, gas-powered generators are selling a lot faster than they ever have before. I just hope people will be smarter about running them indoors, yet I know they won't.

Blue tarps still adorn roofs everywhere, and that is a particular point of concern now that we are once again in hurricane season. A number of small businesses are gone. Even a Wal-Mart in Sunrise is permanently closed, and the store where I work has a sister location in Deerfield Beach that only reopened last month. More importantly, there are still hundreds of families still living in temporary housing because they lost their homes. With all of the attention on the greater devastation caused by Katrina, the long-term victims of Wilma seem to have been largely forgotten in the public eye, but be assured, they are there.

On a more personal level, while I didn't suffer anything more than a few days without electricity and a significant loss of work, I am still carrying an indirect effect of the hurricane. Early last November, my car has hit by a neighbor in the parking lot. No injuries or major damage, but the damage has yet to be repaired due to the backlog of cars damaged in the hurricane. When I talked to the guy in December, he said they were booked through May. (Not a complaint; in fact I made a point of telling the body shop I would wait while people bring in their hurricane-damaged vehicles.)

Here's hoping the worst winds of 2006 blow out to sea.

Alberto, the first named storm of this hurricane season, is heading for the Gulf Coast of Florida. That's a long way from here, and at last report we shouldn't have much trouble here in South Florida.

What we are hoping for is rain, which has been in short supply lately. Much of the state has rainfall totals 50 percent or more below normal, and lately wildfires have been burning in the Everglades, probably the result of lightning and dry conditions. Some mornings you can walk out the door and smell the fires, and last week parts of U.S. 27 were closed. So while we don't want our neighbors to the north getting slammed, we're hoping that Alberto will dump some rain our way to help with the fires -- as long as the winds don't get out of hand. As the saying goes, it's an ill wind that doesn't blow someone so good.

Dogs are doing quite well in print. Marley & Me by John Grogan is #1 on the Hardcover Non-fiction list of bestsellers at Books-a-Million, followed by Cesar's Way by Cesar Millan (aka The Dog Whisperer) at #2. Marley as also #2 on the The New York Times Bestsellers for Hardcover Non-Fiction, while Cesar is #1 on Hardcover Advice list.

As a hardcore dog-lover, I have Marley & Me on my planned reading list. Anyone want to share opinions on this one?

It's almost as if they've ceased to even try. Earlier this week, the "new" version of The Omen came out, and all the talk was about it being released on 6/6/06. But I'm more bothered about the fact that it is simply another in what seem almost a weekly barrage of unoriginal movie ideas. Over the past year or two, almost every movie to come out seems to be a remake of a successful (or not-so-successful) movie released in or around the 1970s. Here's a short list:

1. Poseidon
2. The Pink Panther
3. Fun with Dick and Jane
4. RV (come on, admit it, as soon as you saw the trailer you thought of National Lampoon's Vacation)
5. Superman
6. Herbie Fully Loaded
7. The Stepford Wives
8. Planet of the Apes
9. Freaky Friday
10. When a Stranger Calls
11. Back to School (I am not making this up)

I'm sure you can think of many, many more. And if it's not taken from an earlier movie, it has to be based on a television show from 20+ years ago:

1. Dukes of Hazzard
2. S.W.A.T.
3. Mission: Impossible
4. Starsky and Hutch
5. Bewitched
6. Miami Vice
7. The A-Team (oh, yes, it's in production. Be very afraid....)

Then there are old cartoons and comics:

1. Spiderman (and sequels)
2. The Hulk
3. Scooby-Doo
4. The Thunderbirds (well, it's not a cartoon, but the original was sorta animated)

And if all else fails, there's the sequel. Or the sequel to the remake of the movie that was adapted from a tv show based on a comic strip. Or yet another movie based on an SNL skit that couldn't sustain 90 minutes movie even if it weren't lame to begin with.

I have a friend who works part-time for one of the studios, and she actually goes into the theater every weekend, at least to check out the trailers, so she knows exactly what is out there. Last summer I asked her to name three movies that weren't remakes, sequels, or adaptations of television shows or comic-strips. She couldn't. So what's going on here? Do the studios think all the movies have been made? Do they think recycling movies is good for the environment? Or are they just too lazy to try to come up with an original idea? What do you think?

No, I did not give up on the blog after less than a week...I've just been busy starting a new job. I am now training to be a co-manager at Books-A-Million. There was actually a bit of a holdup in getting started because of my background check -- not that there was anything bad on it, the report just didn't come back right away -- and then it took a couple of days to get me into the payroll system. Fortunately, I was able to pick up work in the meantime at my old job (don't burn that bridge, if you're not a Lotto winner!). When I got home on Wednesday, there was a message asking me if I could start that afternoon, and that's why I didn't have a chance to post.

Once I'm more comfortable with both blogging and the new job, I'll see if I can post news about what's going on at the store. Meanwhile feel free to check the company website.

I once saw a mental exercise where you imagine that you are hosting a dinner party, and you can invite any 10 people, living or dead. I decided to try this, setting down a few rules in advance:

· Each guest must have a reasonable idea who the person is. For example, you could have said Deep Throat before we knew who he was, but you can’t say “the leader of the alien civilization nearest the Earth.”
· All guests must have some basis in reality. While you can invite King Arthur because the legends may have been based on an actual person, you can’t invite wholly fictitious people such Tom Sawyer or Rambo.
· At least one person should be a “wild card.” This is someone who is not one of the usual suspects who would expect to be found on most people’s lists. People who are not famous are ideal.
· All guests are guests ONLY -- IOW, no cheating to get an extra person. You can invite Emeril Legasse, but you can't have him as the chef!
· Language is assumed not to be an issue.

So with that in mind, here is my list, with explanations (feel free to post your own list or a link to it on your own blog):

1) Jesus Christ – perhaps the most obvious, even on a list made up by a non-Christian. Lots of questions to ask him, such as “What did you really mean by _____,” or “Were you offended by what John Lennon said,” but I include him for one simple reason: I want to see the look on his face as he exclaims, “THEY SAID I WANTED THEM TO DO WHAT??????” (Ditto for Mohammed.)

2) Leonardo da Vinci – he made his mark in almost every field of endeavor; in fact, he is the original Renaissance Man.

3) Benjamin Franklin – like da Vinci, he did it all He’s one of the few who could hold his own with every other guest. Plus I want to watch him try to score with the waitress.

4) Isaac Asimov – yet another guy with broad range of credits. Not only a scientist, but also a fiction writer and humorist. I predict he will hit it off with da Vinci and Franklin.

5) Buddha – I want to see if he “gets” Zen humor.

6) Alexander Hamilton – the guy was a prodigy and a genius, not to mention famously arrogant. Let’s see how highly he thinks of himself in this room.

7) Desmond Tutu – very humble, like Buddha. I think the two of them break off on their own as well. I saw Tutu on The Daily Show, and he’s surprisingly funny!

WILD CARDS:

8) Little Richard – not only will he be the life of the party, but in view of his occasional forays into preaching, hearing him talk religion with Jesus and Buddha would be priceless.

9) George Carlin – I figure he’s always an interesting dinner guest, but just hearing him tell about the dinner during his act earns him a place at the table.

10) Mrs. Gorskie – Unless you are my parents, you are probably asking, “Who the hell is Mrs. Gorskie?” Before we moved to Florida (I was 8), she was my babysitter. She was a retired pharmacist, and during the 1920s, which I would guess is about the time she would have been in college, women just didn’t go into such fields. By the time I remember her, she was probably in her late sixties – widowed and living alone, and quite feisty and independent. If the weather was good, she walked – slowly and with a cane – to our house, which was maybe a half-mile away. She also read the newspaper from front to back every day, so if Mom was getting ready for her a date, the poor guys were being entertained by a precocious, smartass kid and an old lady who would talk to them about literally any subject, from the space program to politics to how the Giants were going to do this year. Apparently some of them were intimidated. But Mrs. Gorskie wouldn’t have been, even at this table.

Here's a tax refund you may have missed hearing about, and unless you haven't had a phone in your house for the last three years, it's money in your pocket. (Assuming you're in the U.S., anyway.)

To summarize briefly, the Treasury Department is going to stop collecting a federal excise tax on long-distance calls. The tax was originally implemented in 1898 (not a typo, that's 108 years ago) to help pay for the Spanish-American War. At the time, it was considered a tax on the wealthy, as most people didn't have home phone service.

But here's why you need to know about it: on your 2006 tax returns, you can file for a refund on the tax for long-distance calls made since March 1, 2003. If you don't have your phone records that far back, you will still be able to claim a standard refund -- amount to be determined later.

If you're like me (and God help you if that's the case), you look forward to the next original documentary on The History Channel. That would mean tonight is our night, THC airs the first installment of "The Revolution," a 13-part series about the American Revolution. Airtime is 10 pm ET, with a repeat airing at 2 am. If you are in another time zone, check your listings, or visit The History Channel's Revolution page.

Hey, cool, I think I just learned some HTML!

OK, apparently I have to upload an image here before it can go in my profile, so I'm doing it now as I watch the basketball game. Currently it's 60-45, Phoenix over Dallas -- go Suns!

I hope I have correctly fixed the time stamp -- in the first post it was set to Pacific time, so it was actually posted three hours later than indicated.

I have gotten some blogging advice from Dave, so I'm trying to get him the first comment post. Dave is my kid brother, so I tend to kid him a lot. Well, technically he's my half-brother, so I guess I'm half-kidding. I'll insert a link to Dave's blog on the list later, along with some other favorites, but for now, you can visit him at his more ambitious and long-standing blog, Better Living Through Blogging (http://davidmsc.com). Meanwhile I have held off on announcing my blog, but I can't wait forever, Dave!

OK, I just set this up at 4:12 pm EDT. This is the first post -- if you want to be the first to comment, go for it!

This blog will be about nothing in particular -- news on my life (for my friends), some of my writing (for everyone, especially interested publishers), and hopefully not about recovering from major hurricanes, which I wrote about in e-mails last year after Wilma. Those posts were what caused my online friends to encourage me to start blogging. And at least for a while, there will be updates on how I cope with setting up this space. For example, here's an interesting tidbit -- Blogger's spellcheck doesn't recognize the words "blog" or "blogging." I think I'd better learn to e-mail my posts....

I don't especially care for any of the templates, so expect the look to change. I'll probably tinker with it over the next few days (or weeks, or months), so don't be surprised to come back and find this blog looking very different. Or crashed, since I don't really know much about HTML....

Let me go take care of other things now -- my profile, for example.