Swamp Journal

• Adam Sandler. You're not funny. And I heard a song incredibly similar to "The Chanukah Song" several years before you sang it.
• Shortened names. Not nicknames, but this trend (note: I hate anything trendy anyway) of putting together the first one or two letters or syllables of a first and last name has to stop. I don't care who or what you are attaching it to -- J-Lo, K-Fed, V-dub, WaMu (you would expect a bank to have more dignity), T-Mac, A-Rod, whatever.
• Donald Trump. We get it. You're rich. But I don't care what you do with your money, who your intern is, or why you want me to be rich. If you really want me to be rich, just write me a check. Or let me have a piece of the money you're getting from putting your name on all those buildings you don't actually own. You're not fired, just incredibly annoying. And by the way...why do you care so much about what Rosie O'Donnell thinks?
• Infomercials. I'm a night person. In fact, I'm typing this at almost 3 am. But I like to have a little bit of company, so I have the television on. And most of what's on is infomercials. Even on weekend afternoons, there are way too many infomercials on.
• Infomercials starring Donald Trump. Just kill me and be done with it.
• Poker. More poker. Poker, poker, poker, poker, poker. I can't think of anything this country needs more than more people ruining their lives with gambling. Besides, is it REALLY compelling television? When I still had my cable hooked up, it seemed like I could watch poker 21 hours a day (assuming that I were insane). NBC is still airing poker late at night almost every day.
• Ann Coulter. Is anyone not fed up with (Oh, god, there's Trump on my television advertising his seminar again right now!) this tramp? Even her fellow conservatives find her an embarassment. Clearly she just thrives on attention. "Ignore it and it will go away" is usually a bad strategy, but I think it will work with her, although we will have to sit through some really horrifying statements first. But we're getting used to that anyway.
• Suburban white kids who try to talk and dress like black people from the inner city. You have no clue what being black is about. I don't either, but I don't pretend to. If you like the music, the art, the culture, that's fine. But unless you have a severe speech impediment, talk like yourself, not like someone else. I suspect real black people think you're a bunch of posers, especially when you go back home to your quiet, middle class homes at night. And those cornrows look stupid on black guys -- on you they look stupid and phony.
• Lawyers advertising on television. I've been working on a brochure for a very highly respected law firm -- not the kind of firm that encourages you to sue your neighbor, the other driver, the drug companies, or everyone else you can think of. More like the kind where one of the partners became president of a major university. This assignment is hard. Anyone who hasn't done this has no idea how tightly the Florida Bar regulates this stuff. I can't use the word "expertise." I can't cite past successes because it supposedly implies someone else's case will be successful. I can't use any kind of superlative -- not even a reference to the client's "best interests." So when I see you assholes saying, "Hey, let's go sue someone," it really pisses me off. And since I've been doing this, I've started watching your ads more closely, and I will (ack, it's Trump again!) report you to the Florida Bar.

Labels: annoyances

# posted by MarkSouthFL @ 2:36 AM